There's a reason I'm not a poet

Posts tagged ‘how do i turn this thing on’

Michaelday XXVI

My birthday was last week. I think. I was on nights this weekend so I’ve no concept of which way is up never mind what day it is. But the birthday was fun! As is my way, I had three birthdays: first was in work with pizza and cookies (I do actually do work I promise), the second was Eurovision party on the Saturday, and then the actual birthday itself on the Monday. Went out for drinks and lunch with the family and in the evening saw Derren Brown!

The man made us promise not to put spoilers on social media but needless to say the guy got up in front of everyone and performed blatant witchcraft. People of a delicate or religious constitution need not apply. I spent my time trying to work out exactly how he manipulates people. After communication skills training at uni, my knowledge of non-verbal communication and cues etc. has made me more aware of how these things work , but this was a complete other level. Like Super Slytherin times seventeen. It was interesting when he looked at people and assessed (or at least pretended to) how easy or hard it would be to manipulate them, but he was pulling off ridiculously complicated stunts that it can’t be anything remotely simple. So eventually I decided it was actual shamanic ju-ju.

Eurovision was also brilliant craic! I went out shopping beforehand to try and get a bunting of different flags but couldn’t find anything. This being Northern Ireland, the closest thing J could get was a bunch of red white and blue flags. Which is fine, I passed them off as France. My housemate had the national flag of the gays though so we had a nice relevant rainbow sitting above our fireplace in honour of Eurovision.

We’d crafted a bunch of drinking rules to make the event go by smoothly (or not smoothly) and they ended up being bloody well brutal. By the end of the night I’d lost my voice from shouting DRINK every time lasers or a granny came on screen. I’d dressed up in my Lederhosen so it probably didn’t make a very imposing sight. But the night wdnt on until about four in the morning so it was a success anyway. And more importantly I had fun.

As a birthday present, I got some money together from the fam and myself and bought a DSLR camera! It arrived the other day amd I’ve been playing about with it today. The aim is to be able to take semi-decent photos by the time I get to China so I can come back and not only be annoying talking about what a wonderful time I had and how much of a voyage of self discovery it was, but also be annoying and upload 732 photos in sepia onto facebook and make people sit down and watch my PowerPoint show.

Don’t go thinking you’re safe.



Charge it, point it, zoom it, press it

So hopefully you got my text with my new number, and so know I have a new phone! While Kevin and his Snake-playing-capabilities have certainly served me well, when Plato offered me his old iPhone once his contract ran out I kinda jumped at the opportunity.

I’ve always been a bit of a mixture between a techie and a Luddite: one minute I’m behind the TV playing with the leads and a big grin on my face, and the next I’m whacking the computer screen with the nearest oil lamp calling down the wroth of God onto iTunes. My odd relationship with technology is probably demonstrated quite well with my habit of naming my computerised things- I’ve gone through Roy, Dinky, Yoshimi, Kevin, Carl, Rambo, Rambo2 and now I’m welcoming Mycroft to the family.

Instead of working yesterday, I spent about two hours trying to get the thing unlocked and set up (the end of a six-week long journey) and then about five hours texting and snapchatting people, absolutely decimating my battery. I’m generally getting the hang of it, and hope to tread the middle ground between knowing how things actually work and not being the person who sits on their phone on the internet rather than interacting with the people in front of them.

But nowadays social norms have changed with these smart phones: what would have been seen as rude is now quite socially acceptable. I kind of got around the competing interests of texts and talking by developing the ability to text without looking, so I could maintain eye contact and have a conversation while sending anything I needed to say. Although with (a) a touch screen, (b) my apparently chubby thumbs and (c) apple autocorrect all stacked up against me, I don’t think this is really a possibility. So we’ll see how many people I offend by not replying to them, whether it’s in person or in virtual communication.

It’s wonderful how technology has advanced so much that there are more ways to not talk to people than ever before