There's a reason I'm not a poet

The finals countdown



This is exactly how I’m not feeling right now.

In previous years, exam term has been a worrying time, with adrenaline flowing pretty much all the time, trade-offs between hours spent sleeping and hours spent in the library, and hyped-up feelings of guilt when any time is spent not working. This year though it’s been playing games on my tablet, jetting off to Italy and going to formals. So just a little bit more relaxed.

In a previous entry I wrote about setting a target of how I wanted to do this year when it came to exams. I guess as the year went on I kind of decided that I wanted to aim high and do really well in these exams, come out with a shiny sticker saying Well Done. And I mean I do really like stickers, but over the past few weeks I’ve kind of changed my mind. I had an idea in my head of where I wanted to be at this stage: the things I wanted to know, the level of confidence I wanted to have with the material, the number of times I wanted to have gone through certain parts of my notes, the preparation I wanted to have done for the smaller, fine-tuned aspects of the exams. And I realised that while some others around me were at that stage, I very much wasn’t.

I was greeted with the option of working incredibly hard, probably harder than I’ve had to before, and I’d still not be guaranteed that I could do it; or else to instead keep working at a steady pace and pass the exams with a hopefully decent mark. Being a person who values happiness/lazy (delete as appropriate), I went for the latter. And so I’m feeling quite content, getting lots of sleep and not really one bit stressed. I’m still working a large number of hours every day, but I’ve changed my expectations and I’m not getting worked up about the exams.

A pessimistic interpretation would be that it’s like falling at the last hurdle. A more realistic analogy would be if I got to the end, looked at the final hurdle and thought “Nah, that’s a bit tall and I’m tired- I think I’ll just walk around this one”



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